Father, forgive me… for ii know all that ii do.
” what do you know of Beauty. what is more beautiful than Death. gaze upon me, mortal queen “
a lobotomy is needed. for these tears. an illness they’ll say, an infatuation ii say. my tears, tears ii take blame for. your tears, tears ii will take blame for. the lengths to which ii’ll go in order to redeem them. the pressure ii will cause. the foundations ii will collapse.
who granted me such power. such immortality. these guarded promises were bestowed upon tellurians with blessings of things to come, more beauty to be created in later generations. but somewhere down the strand of nature, a disloyalty erupted. a dishonesty brewed. the purity of a promise crumbled, and tainted the bloodlines of us who were blessed with the understanding and full grasp of Love.
with readiness, passion, & the will to be lured out into those dangerous zones of human emotion, deceived by the veil of false mutuality, and publicly slaughtered for the sake of selfish pleasure, pride, and depleted innocence. where…where has this Love brought us. we bare the essence of it. we breed the offspring of it, but for what. are we forced to yield our existence, our freedom, our sanity, just for it to make us more noble and radiant. is this ideology of Love nothing more than a metaphor set in place for us to emulate our intangible valuables and profits of existence. the constant give & take, where we face more loss than gain.
give me love. give me life. give me death.
it’s all beautiful. it’s all innate. it’s all beautiful.
if we place ourselves in the hands of Love, my only worry is whether it will place us on higher ground or release us into the wilderness of our psyches, to destroy ourselves and any attachment we claim.
my claim to you is made valid through tears. ii’ve had them all life long, they have stayed true and consistent. ii got lost in them, ii lost control of them, ii lost them, & ii rediscovered them. ii have them back, and ii want them to be here to witness this journey. ii do not want them to stay confined. ii do not want to make them feel they aren’t welcome anymore. ii want to have this happiness, but not at the loss of my tears. ii don’t want to sacrifice them forever for the sake of a smile. a smile is insignificant in the presence of tears. they are the stars that glitter in the midnight space sky of my eyes. they run wild & free. they do not even need explanations. they’ve seen me through gains and losses. it can just be us, no words needed to understand what we know or don’t know. ii controlled them since ii learned to control myself. they comfort me when ii’m faced with my abandonment issues. do not wish for them to leave me. embrace yours, and be compassionate enough to give them to me. be sure that they’ll always & only be for me. & that is how ii for sure can be stable in knowing and feeling you are fully mine.
if it should come down to it, we will leave here together, or at the hands of one another. this is all ii see, & all ii desire is for our tears to be there to accompany us.